


Why We Lie Awake

by notgrungybitchin



Category: Boardwalk Empire
Genre: Fluff, Multi, OT3: this is more like a family matter, Season/Series 05, Sleepy Cuddles, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND IT'S IMPORTANT, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 13:37:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3852784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notgrungybitchin/pseuds/notgrungybitchin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie, Meyer, and Benny find a moment of quiet rest in the midst of war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why We Lie Awake

It was fifteen minutes until one, and dim, flickering light illuminated the room. It shuddered over Charlie, Meyer, and Benny as they sat on the large and unmade bed. The fine furnishings of the Claridge suite were strewn with clothes, papers and ash trays; any trace of order had been tossed aside in the face of the battle at hand. For Meyer and Benny-- putting up fronts of calm and order during their rare moments at home was all they could manage. This was the only place left where the three of them could plan, rest, sleep... and feel safe.

 The single bulb beside the bed continued to waver. Every so often it would sputter, as if it were shivering at each echoing tick of the clock.  By all rights, the three men in the room should have had better lights. This wasn’t like the old days, when they were huddled up in the upstairs rooms of the Darners & Weavers, with peeling walls and broken lamps, drafts seeping through cracked windowpanes.

But ever since the hit on the restaurant went wrong, with open battle declared and paranoia reigning, they didn't want to risk anything that could draw attention to their presence. Even a call to the maids for new bulbs seemed too dangerous.

The three of them had gathered together on the bed. It was how they preferred to be these past few nights. Since the war had begun to heat up, Charlie could no longer bear the thought of nights spent alone.

More often they planned; Charlie and Meyer creating mountains of ash with their cigarettes as they reviewed their next move, Benny pouring one too many glasses of whiskey until his strategizing words began to slur and he slipped into sleep. Charlie rarely slept more than an hour at a time these nights, Meyer even less.  

Now Meyer sat up in the middle of the large bed, leaning against the headboard and smoking. The room was quiet. Planning had continued between the two long after Benny had closed his eyes, their voices lowered to just above a whisper.  Benny's old habit of unbreakable sleep had weakened lately. Sudden noises could now startle him awake. Tonight, Charlie and Meyer wanted to let him be.

Benny's sudden nervous movements had already upset the ashtray twice -- burned black stains streaked the rumpled white sheets.

Charlie gazed at Meyer. His eyes were half closed as he took another deep drag of his cigarette. Watching him was the most comforting thing Charlie could do. The smoke drifted from Meyer's  nostrils and lips, catching on his half closed eyes.

 Charlie hadn't slept in two days, and now he felt the intense urge to curl himself around Meyer. It was the only way he could feel safe -- now when every small sound made him start even more than usual.

He wanted to hold on to Meyer. _He wanted to forget._ But Benny was there too, and Charlie didn't want him to leave. He wanted them all there, where he knew they were safe and breathing.

Benny was a mess of limbs on the left of the bed, one leg dangling off the edge, his head resting on Meyer's  shoulder. His eyes had closed almost an hour ago, and Charlie was sure he was sleeping. He hadn't made a sound, and his only movements were the sporadic jerks and twitches of restless muscles seeking rest.

Charlie watched Benny with just a tinge of envy, wishing he could slip from his fears into sleep so easily. All he wanted was to rest on Meyer's shoulder too, letting that familiar pulse echo in his mind and lull him to sleep. It wasn’t a practical desire. After all, the reason they were supposedly here was to plan. Though it seemed that no amount of preparation would ease the fears that haunted them.

But Charlie knew why they really drew in together like this. He was sure they all knew. _They needed to be near each other -- to know that they hadn't lost anyone._

The time spent without speaking suddenly began to feel like distance, and Charlie felt an urge to break the silence – to say something to Meyer, though he wasn’t yet sure what. But before he could speak, he heard Benny’s voice from across the bed.

"They can’t do it though,” he mumbled.

Benny said it, as though he were finishing a thought he was sure he’d shared aloud. He could have been sleep talking, but Benny didn’t sleep talk in anything resembling complete sentences. The unexpected sound made Charlie jump. Meyer noticed, and he gave Charlie a quick concerned glance over his cigarette before turning to look down at Benny.

 “They can’t,” said Benny, stretching his fingers and opening his eyes for a moment to adjust his head on Meyer’s shoulder.

“What?” asked Charlie. He didn’t know why he said it. He was sure he didn’t need to hear the answer. He didn’t need Benny’s ramblings at one in the morning.

“They can’t kill us. ”

“Benny…” sighed Meyer.

Charlie felt his heart sink into his stomach. He’d thought they’d made an unspoken pact not to bring up aloud the possibility of death. It was a reality too impending to mention around those who’d thrown their lot in with his. It was like those stories he’d heard here and there about the war; soldiers charging out of the trenches into a wave of incoming bullets and gas, knowing they were running toward death.

He was glad Meyer and Benny were there now. He didn’t know how he could have done it without them. But he didn’t want them to fall to enemy fire beside him. And now Benny’s words reminded him of the risk.

Benny opened his eyes again, groggy and glazed, and sat up. He leaned against the headboard next to Meyer.

“They can’t, ya see? Because there’s the three of us. You gotta kill us all…to kill any of us, right? They try anything, one of us is gonna be around to get them for it.”

He glanced back and forth between Meyer and Charlie, a drowsy smile on his face, satisfied to believe that his observation had made everything alright. 

And somehow it did. For a moment, the fear abated. It wouldn’t last beyond the night. The reality of war would return with the morning light, but hidden in Benny’s words was something to carry them through to the end.

Charlie let himself bask in the warm flickering light, the smell of Meyer’s cigarettes, and the sound of Benny’s satisfied groan as he stretched his arms over his head.

Meyer gave Benny a small, fond smile and took another drag. “ _Geh shlofn_ ,” he muttered through the smoke.  Benny settled his head on Meyer again, his eyes already closed, and Meyer put a hand in his hair and rested it there.

Charlie extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray and moved close to them, settling his head next to Meyer’s.

The sporadic sound of Benny rustling the sheets, and Meyer’s steady breath on his temple, was all he needed.

For the first time in days, Charlie could sleep.


End file.
